Dealing with the Darkness
It has been a turbulent 2009 so far. I have probably reached the lowest points in the last six months since I came to Solidarity. I have questioned my purpose, the effect I am having on neighborhood and even God Himself.
Towards the beginning of the year, the drama seemed to be unceasing when it came to L, V and D, three of my teenage friends from Garnet. D, 17, was embarking on her first months of pregnancy when she found out she had an STD. V, 15, was struggling to decide if she should marry her 19 year-old boyfriend and father of her baby in order to reduce his sentencing, since he was in jail for impregnating her, a minor. L, 16, was kicked out of her boyfriend's house with no family who wanted to take her and her baby in. I have been "mentoring" these girls for 3.5 years. Why aren't their lives perfect? Why does it seem that the more time I spend with them, the more darkness I see?
As I was contemplating these questions, God spoke words of comfort and blessing to me. He told me, "Bethany, the darkness has always been there. The closer you get to these girls, the more darkness you will see." I am not encountering more darkness because I am a bad mentor, but because my relationship with these girls is deepening. The more time I spend with them, the more they let me in, so the more I will see. With this realization came an intense feeling of freedom. I was reminded that I am not the Savior. My responsibility is to love them as best I can and God has to do the rest.
A funny thing happened when I let God carry my burden; He showed up, huge. L, for the first time, acknowledged the chaos of her life and the undeniable need for Jesus to be her Lord. D began texting me every Sunday asking if I would taker her to church. V recommitted her life to Christ and stepped up as leader in Solidarity's Youth Church. These girls are not perfect and their lives are far from it as well, but there is movement away from the darkness. God is good.
Bethany Rowe, Solidarity Program Director
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